Absolution (Capturing Angels)

What is this unfair advantage?

That I would write a million words to capture your soul,

only to deeply and truly understand that it will never fully

belong to me…

Yet you need say nor scribe a single word…

and in the very act of even imagining your look upon me,

you are able to extract vivid descriptions of how I see you

for your own keeping…

And my soul is not at rest…

wondering where you keep them because

the are a part of me…

And yes… knowing that they are with you

as they are intended to be…

comforts me to know they are in a good place…

But this place I for myself have not seen…

I dream of it… but east of where I lay,

a new day will soon begin and along with it, the vision fades from my memory…

and as level as my bed may rest,

the seventy-eight percent of me composed of water

brews storms of anxiety knowing that before I even open my eyes…

my morning will be spent alone…

I die a little… my heart… cries a little…

yet I am dehydrated… parched for your love

and you are not near… but it also doesn’t feel as if you are miles away…

So even knowing that your soul will never be mine…

with only a few words true from my heart…

for a moment I can touch it… steal a glimpse of it in the palest of lights

and in the midst of the darkest nights when I need it most…

cling to it until the dawn of a new day…

Because I was given a gift,

that allows me to do so all in the name of love,

until the day I am rendered speechless.

(122114NP)

Sideways (Dreamer)

I’ve been places, but don’t always necessarily understand the significance of all that surrounds upon arrival… and I’ve seen so many things….

Things that I long to return to see knowing that time is on my side but not always mine to give, but given to me at moments when my eyes are closed and what I wish to be before me is often clouded in darkness… even more so , I am alone…

It is during the presentation of this gift that leads me to wonder where you are in all of this… that I can wander such an expansive description of your very being just hoping to find you from uncharted moments in my life that crafted my heart so you’d be comfortable there…

The journey seems endless yet never useless… my feet and body do not fatigue because my spirit is compelled to see your face… and if failed to do so by the nights end, know that I drag my feet on purpose to leave you a map to find me in case you are doing the same…

Looking for me in a world only known to you, hoping for the day that the absence of you in a dream is crushed by the reality of you being only a foot away when I wake…

Enumerate

Must time mock me?

Promising to heal my wounds by taking forever to pass…

A prisoner of my own thoughts, free to leave them behind if they were not of you and so treasured…

All of the little things done…

That were only you being yourself… I counted them one by one, placing them into my heart as if they were meant just for

me…

Unaware that each keepsake would forsake me and become the seconds counted down to the destruction of what love

we shared… In a space given that only had so much room, we broke laws of physics… we made love and experienced

its infinite possibilities…

Where does the time go?

How long will it take to remove each moment spent with you, without removing myself in the process?

I didn’t count on this…

Because I counted on you…

And if I were to list the ways in which I did, I would surely pass before I would be able to finish…

Because I loved you…

Epidemic (Listen before leaving)

She whispers only to herself…

Inside her mind she queries her soul and to a fly on the wall nothing is heard…

There is only being able to witness the moments she dies a little and watch tears roll down her face… Completely incapable to hold her close, allowing a heartbeat alone to tell her cry out loud…

No one answers, so she feels that no one listens… and her pain becomes weight to bare…

Can’t fly away, for I’d plummet into the earth, cursed as a man with a heavy heart forced to walk amongst the sea of many with a broken heart… and now mine is too.

Sweetening Tea

It is a funny thing trying to let go of something as sweet and sticky as honey…

At first you want to rid your fingers free of it but rather than rinsing them you bring each appendage to your lips…

Extending your tongue and tasting the mellifluous liquid… becoming lost in its ability to surrender your motion…

giving you moments to think, to remember… to enjoy your now is a present, remembering your presents is a gift…

Be the flower to the bumble bee.

Victorious (No Reflection)

How many days have I gone around the sun?

Waking to a light that vanquishes the darkness so that I may see… one that tans my skin and warms my soul… letting me know that I am indeed alive… and in that I may breathe a sigh of relief knowing that for another day, I have conquered death…

Yet I cannot help but question why the days are so long and my time so limited… My toils leaving me with just enough left to sit down and think…

How far have I come? Should I choose to sleep, how long have I been gone? Where have I traveled only to be called back, staring life in the face just by looking into a mirror and witness the scars that no one else can see…

Questions I whisper so loudly that if there were a soul stirring, they come to stand still and remain silent… So that the only voice I can hear is my own, but the one that I feel erupts from the depths of where every answer to any question that I may have is written…

Looking behind me that I may see that past… and I am told, that all that has been left behind no longer has the strength in its hands to hold me down, but is now the rubble upon I have climbed to be in the present… a place where the mirror is no longer required for I know how I look and can see myself without it…

I will then walk to the window of my home and look out unto the world where I will see myself down the road… I will wave hello and extend my hand as to say please join me…

Where I will go is my future… one completely unpredicted but one that I believe in none the less… I can feel the smile on my face and the peace in my heart… another day has come to past and the spoils of war are mine…

Hear my battle cry… for I have won…

(LC14185)

 

The Book

Where was I when you found me?

Did I call out to your sense of inner desire to see… what am I to you?

If but a collection of thoughts, memories and dreams… I must ask… did you read them merely see them… though the words could only come from my lips…

Did you read between the lines of the sentences spoken to take in what I was saying to you… to see and observe not only that there was information being communicated but also that it was being shared… did you touch me or hold me… did I captivate you… I want to speak but my conviction to simply stare at you is so complex that speech is not necessary… you will see what I wish to know… what wish to say in my eyes…

how does that feel… are you touched… Will you remember me, or will I be forgotten… or forbidden… the very memory of me has no essence unless rooted to a part of you…

what am I… flip through my moments… share them back with me… refer to me in old age… for I am but an open book… with space for notes… and pages to begin new chapters.

The Photographer (The Darkroom)

The conversation will end and every glance that could be sent across a table has been received, enjoyed and returned…

Smiles and laughter will linger in the air, haunting as if a memory begging to be held on to for fear of passing over to moments forgotten…

Take a picture and it is said that it will last longer…

But if that is the fate of becoming immortalized then let the photograph to be, not become… for I will only accept the passing of time, to take you from me… and I refuse to limit myself to but a thousand words when it comes to you…

Though it is extremely challenging to say anything more than you are so beautiful… Over time I will say it in so many ways, surpassing the thousands of words that most would stop because they figured enough has been said… Because they look at you and not in you…

I see you…

Knowing that all the pictures in the world could not possibly capture you… that they may perish in a fire, smear from being handled, damage from water… and fade from time…

That the actual you… will inspire a burning love… beckon to be held… may cry every now and again… and in time leave this world…

The day I met you, my soul took a picture of you and developed it in my heart…

 

(NNE14)

Devious (Thou Art a Villain)

Of what is beautiful…

Is that of which you have taken for yourself to draw from… only to return said things in ways that drive straight into my heart… and I am drawn to you, but you are withdrawn…

Was it that you captured me or my likeness?

So skilled in being able to produce portraits, displaying them to the world… but I beg you to examine your own works more closely to see if I was indeed sitting still… waiting for you to finish, impatiently pleading to see how you truly see me…

If you’ve ever seen me at all…

Close your eyes and think… let the absence of of my presence sink in and probe the darkness for my image…

Can you see me? Or shadows of might have been…?

Realize that in the time I gave to you… I was waiting for the perfect moment to give you my heart…

You thought you it was yours to take… But it has always been mine to keep…

 

 

 

 

Watercolors (The Artist)

My subject… allow me to subtract the world around you, so all that remains is a portrait of you…

Background noise of various memories that must be no more, yet they are everything and so much more… but fail to remain underwater…

Once washed over with every thought of you and basking in the rain are now but tears that fall onto a page, where I attempt to paint the best but the color refuses remain…

Faded away… not even the black and white are present… the imagery is all gone…

All that is left is you, which can not be removed because I didn’t create you…

And with my hands covering my face, I wonder if it would have been wiser to just give you my heart and not my mind… for my heart will heal, but I am but an artist and you will never leave my thoughts…