Untitled #7

Behind me yet at the forefront of my waking thoughts, there you are… And to think… there was a time when I searched for you…

A time when it seemed impossible to forget you… having to remind myself to forget you and not recall a single thing about you because there would be no answer…

You couldn’t be because you were never there in the first place… A body more beautiful than one could imagine... merely a figment of my emotions wanting for you to exist…

I stared into eyes that never looked back, while other eyes fell upon me only to see me looking into the distance, but at no one and at nothing…

all blind to the truth that I was waiting…

… and now you stand before me…

Hush (You See Nothing…)

What is this hush and its layered textures?

Humbling sounds of walking alone folding unto themselves to reveal the deepest need to understand… and with not a moments rest, we continue on…

Journeys through what seems like endless days and eternal nights with no knowledge of when all of this began nor possess the image of when it will come to an end…

In the between we can see:

The times smiles graced our faces and those when we cried where the tears tanned our cheeks…

Moments when he had the courage to love and those where are broken hearts built walls around themselves so not to be hurt once more…

Which lead to the most intimate junctures of solitude… and those gnashing feelings of guilt for wanting to be alone, but not without those feelings of wanting to be…

We see the past and make it present and give these gifts to ourselves…

Yet we cannot see everything… our gifts are imperfect…

But if you are reading this, then you can see… which means you can breathe… which means you are alive…

That hushed silence… is the calming of the soul…

When you have no answers but peace has become you… your mind is drawn blank, but your heart is full…

Be faithful that you are being watched every step of your way…

Tears (Measures of a human life)

All grown up…

It would be unwise to assume that all there is to know has been shed upon me…

I rub my face and look into the mirror, to see my own eyes staring back at me asking the same question that I beckon an the answer from my reflection…

Where has all the time gone?

The silence in the room is only broken once my soul begins to shift, yet I remain still… waiting patiently for an answer…

I stare until the surface of what everyone sees disappears… there are only two sets of very familiar eyes staring back into one another… dark brown portals with staircases leading to the depths of the soul…

At the bottom of those staircases are corridors to traverse years of travel in an intimate moment of solitude… It’s been well over twelve-thousand days… My feet and ankles ache, but not more than my heart when I ask the question…

How far have I come? And do not have an answer…

I see the grooves in my soul from walking in circles…

and it breaks my heart…

Then crushed by waves my body floods, I’m forced out of my trance and brought back to being face to face with myself in the mirror…

A tear rolls down my face… the room is silent but the onslaught of living my dreams whispers that I am free to do so; so long as I look at where I wish to go by saying…

Your life is immeasurable by any man, even yourself…

Just be willing to go the distance…

and a tear rolled down my face…

and I smiled.

Serene (You Are Loved)

hrtz

There are times to be remembered… that when your soul compels you to be present and most important of all… to become lost and alone with them…

Each moment that you were present… is where if anyone should be looking for you, it is there that they will find you…

Neither lost nor exactly alone…

Perhaps during a difficult time, where you are sitting across from your mother… you have no clue as to what to do, but something within her says that she should utter just how much you are loved…

It is only a memory, but in times of need you can remember it and practically not only hear but see the words cross over her lips and sink into your soul… calming your heart…

If one were to listen closely… they could hear your heartbeat and find you… they may travel a distance and possibly have been for some time… there may be debris of hurt and regrets, but be assured he will come…

And he will see you…

Looking into eyes much like your own… knowing that nothing short of the absence of life itself can cause you to part… you both shed years when you met… your heart was calm and something that your mother said to you, seems all that more familiar… she said it before times were rough…

You… living for much more than yourself, wondering if you can be seen in this place…

But when is it, that you haven’t been seen? Or better yet not heard?

No call for panic… steady yourself…

For even though clouds form and it begins to rain… the downpour of sadness from without you that strike the ground with its pitter patter pattern attempting to mask the beating of your heart… will not compare to the mirth that can flood your soul…

True your heart may have been beaten… but still it beats and rest assured it is heard… you are still here and the message of love sent to you came way before the first moment you cried out…

Now you listen to your heartbeat…

This is how you know… no matter what… you are always loved…

This is your moment to remember…

This is your peace…

(4LC)