Lost Art of Conversation (Mamihlapinatpai)

A calm would wash over me, should our eyes connect and I not feel as if I have become the oblivion that you have chosen to stare into…
Many questions that could be asked of you, were it not for the tremendous weight of the thoughts standing firmly on my mind that gently seal my lips…
Lips that do not move, so you can’t read them… but I am still here… sitting still… a patient of my patience appearing to stare blankly, hoping that you at some point will see tomorrow today and stop waiting around to see if I will stop waiting around…
…and
I listen to the sound of tears hydrating my skin momentarily before falling to the floor with the softest pat that echoes across the room… the reality that I have been forgotten begins to take root…
…If only I were nothing but a shadow I would be able bear the moments during the day where you knew I was there looking back at you, knowing that come the night I could easily camouflage into the darkness and observe you to see if you’d truly miss me if I were gone… I could bring myself within inches of your skin to touch you…
…but
…I would know the distance of my fingertips to your heart could only be traveled should the words I feel be heard and yet the uncertainty of the expression ever being returned keeps them locked away… not because they’ve never been said but because they’ve never been listened to…
[I Love You]
My soul screams… and my eyes cry… and I stay… Your eye’s see my pain knowing that inside you is not where I am… I am outside… and there I will remain… Without a single word, we both know that tomorrow… We will look upon our last night together… Never to speak again.

A Story of Things Past…

Every day Jonathan greeted the bus driver with a smile and a nearly inaudible good morning as he stepped into the doorway. He caught the bus just two stations away from the beginning of the line so it was always pretty vacant, except for a little girl who’s recently been sitting sat at the very back of the bus everyday. ‘Most likely a latch key kid’ Jonathan would often think to himself and then go about his routine of walking to the middle of the bus dusting off a seat, sitting down and then slowly sip his coffee as he gazed out the window at the world going by. This morning however had something different in store for the mild mannered soft spoken gentleman for shortly after he sat down and had his first taste of coffee, the driver ran over a deep pot hole that rumbled the bus with the force of a contained earthquake that caused Jonathan to grip the cup tightly popping the lid and spilling all over himself.

“Sorry” said the bus driver as he recovered from the rumble himself as he pulled up to the next bus stop. Jonathan stood up brushed himself off and quickly found another seat not covered in coffee at the back of the bus as other patrons boarded. His new seat was not positioned to where he could easily look out of the window, but instead it was facing the little girl that was on the bus before him.

Not being one for odd interactions Jonathan attempted to gaze out of the window behind him but found it awkward twisting his body and angling his neck without strain. So he took a deep breath, repositioned and looked straight ahead in the direction of the little girl which as if by a gentle force caused him to look directly at her.

She wore pink rain boots with a raincoat to match, her hair was black; pulled into a ponytail and her eyes were a deep brown that of an old oak tree. Around her neck she wore a brass pendant in the shape of trumpet that looked an awful lot like the one he bought his wife that had passed away some months ago after a battle with cancer. He bought it to remind her of the night they met at a jazz club after he performed “There is no Greater Love” by Miles Davis. She loved to hear Jonathan play, in fact that night is why she fell in love with him but during her struggle with the sickness he hardly found the strength to do so and following her death not at all.

Lost in this haze of thought Jonathan hadn’t taken notice that his stop had come and that already off the bus. He crossed the street then turned to look back at the bus to see if he could still see the little girl, but she had vanished. In the window however read the word “Play”.

He carried her memory.

Epidemic (Listen before leaving)

She whispers only to herself…

Inside her mind she queries her soul and to a fly on the wall nothing is heard…

There is only being able to witness the moments she dies a little and watch tears roll down her face… Completely incapable to hold her close, allowing a heartbeat alone to tell her cry out loud…

No one answers, so she feels that no one listens… and her pain becomes weight to bare…

Can’t fly away, for I’d plummet into the earth, cursed as a man with a heavy heart forced to walk amongst the sea of many with a broken heart… and now mine is too.